God Is Love

One of my favorite types of movies is the romantic comedy. A couple of months ago I was contemplating why I like these movies. I thought about specific movies and what is was that appealed to me about them.

I realized I like one because the guy keeps his promise to the girl. I like another because the guy loves the girl despite her quirky ways. I like another because he goes the out of his way to do things that make her happy.

Most of the time I like the guy character and I see what she sees in him, but I wonder what he sees in her. Then I realized that the characters that I like in the movies are best seen in God. He is perfect love.

Many of us have memorized John 3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

If we're not careful, we will skip over this verse saying, "Yeah, yeah I know what that says already."

This verse is so important to our faith. It is a base for what we believe. But it not only shows us what God did, but who He is.

He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:8 NKJV

God is love.

What is love?

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 4:10 NIV

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

God does more than say I love you and show love. God is love beyond comprehension. God is love that gives all. God is love in action. God's love is displayed on the cross.

My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 NLT

God keeps His promises to me. He loves me despite my quirky ways. He gave His all for me. And I don't know what He sees in me. :-)

How precious is your unfailing love, O God!
   All humanity finds shelter
      in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 36:7 NLT

God Is Unique

Jesus, Jesus

He's our man.

If He can't do it,

Nobody can!

That cheer runs through my mind whenever I read these scriptures:

¹And I saw in the right hand of Him who sat on the throne a scroll written inside and on the back, sealed with seven seals.  ²Then I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, “Who is worthy to open the scroll and to loose its seals?” ³And no one in heaven or on the earth or under the earth was able to open the scroll, or to look at it.
⁴So I wept much, because no one was found worthy to open and read the scroll, or to look at it. ⁵ But one of the elders said to me, “Do not weep. Behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has prevailed to open the scroll and to loose its seven seals.” Revelation 5:1-5 NKJV

No one in heaven or on earth could open the seal. Jesus is uniquely qualified to do what others cannot. I love that about Him. I am attracted to the different and the unique. To me, "unique" is a quality to be desired and appreciated. :-)

There is one God. That's it. He doesn't have an equal. He doesn't have an archenemy like Darth Vader to Obi Wan. He has enemies, but they are not equal, just opposite.

So God asks His people a question:

“To whom will you compare me?
 Who is my equal?" Isaiah 46:5 NLT

And all God's people shout . . . "NOBODY!"

I have to consider why it's important to know that no one is like Him. To me it means that I shouldn't put anyone before Him. He has to be my first and my last.

⁶ Inasmuch as there is none like You, O LORD (You are great, and Your name is great in might),⁷ Who would not fear You, O King of the nations? For this is Your rightful due. For among all the wise men of the nations, And in all their kingdoms, There is none like You.  Jeremiah 10:6-7 NKJV

In every realm and sphere of influence, there is no one as great as God. There is no king or politician, no matter how well respected, who is as great as God. There is no scholar or Nobel Prize winner who knows what He knows.

“Who is like You, O LORD, among the gods? Who is like You, glorious in holiness, Fearful in praises, doing wonders?       Exodus 15:11

There is no actor as handsome or as cool. There is no pope or preacher as holy. There is no athlete as amazing. There is no humanitarian as generous.

God's ways are unique and perfect. He brought His people out of captivity by using someone who was not part of God's chosen. He prophesied to King Cyrus before he was born and said,

⁵ I am the LORD, and there is no other;
   apart from me there is no God.
I will strengthen you,
   though you have not acknowledged me,
⁶ so that from the rising of the sun
   to the place of its setting
men may know there is none besides me.
   I am the LORD, and there is no other. Isaiah 45:5-6

God is so unique that He fulfills His purposes using people no one would expect Him to use in ways that no one would expect. He can use something as mundane as a blog to show His love and healing power to the person who writes it.

Why?

To you it was shown, that you might realize and have personal knowledge that the Lord is God; there is no other besides Him. Deuteronomy 4:35 AMP

Give Us Barabbas!

This is an unexpected writing. My intention was to focus on writing about another attribute of God. Change of plans. There is something else on my heart.

We celebrate the Resurrection this coming Sunday. Tonight I went to church for our Easter production. I'm not participating as part of the cast this year. Instead, I went to the prayer room to intercede. We usually have the TV monitor on so we can see what is happening on stage, but tonight we didn't. The prayer room is behind the stage so we can hear most everything that is going on.

At the point in which Jesus is before Pilate, we can hear the people shouting, "Crucify Him, crucify Him." I listened and thought how absurd it was for the people to shout that. I remember that this part of Jesus "trial" was where the people were given a choice.

John explains it like this :

³⁸ “What is truth?” retorted Pilate. With this he went out again to the Jews gathered there and said, “I find no basis for a charge against him. ³⁹ But it is your custom for me to release to you one prisoner at the time of the Passover. Do you want me to release ‘the king of the Jews’?”

 ⁴⁰ They shouted back, “No, not him! Give us Barabbas!” Now Barabbas had taken part in an uprising. John 18:38-40 NIV 2011

Barabbas was a rebel. He was thrown in prison for being part of an insurrection and murder. Murder! And the people said, "Give us Barabbas." In Matthew's account of the story, he mentions that Barabbas was well known, notorious even. So the people knew who Barabbas was—no doubt.

These may have been the people who were praising Jesus less than a week before when He entered the city. They had probably heard Him preach. They may have been people who sat down and ate the meal that He miraculously provided for more than 5000. Maybe they had friends or family whom Jesus had healed. They may have been the healed.  And they said, "No, not him! Give us Barabbas!"

So as I listened to the actors as they cried out “Crucify Him, crucify Him!” just as the religious people had done a few verses later. I thought how could they say that after all they knew about Jesus. Then I remembered that the people chose Barabbas and I wondered how many times have I chosen Barabbas over Jesus.

How many times have chosen rebellion over peace, fear over faith, my way over His way, the common over the holy . . . the world over God?

Father, please forgive me for choosing what I knew was wrong. I pray that You will make it obvious to me when I am about to say by my actions, "Give me Barabbas instead of Jesus."

God Is Infinite

In the beginning God –

The first four words of the Bible. It goes on to finish the sentence and say what God did and what He said. The most important part though is that "In the beginning God."

I can't wrap my brain around that too much. But He was and He is.

Less than 300 words from the end of the Bible Jesus declares,

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last." Revelation 22:13 NKJV

Everything started and ends with God. He is an infinite, measureless God.

“Thus says the LORD, the King of Israel,
      And his Redeemer, the LORD of hosts:
      ‘ I am the First and I am the Last;
      Besides Me there is no God." Isaiah 44:6 NKJV

Jesus, God the Son, is the beginning, the expert, and the authority of our faith; in the end, He completes our faith and puts the finishing touches on it.

looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith,      Hebrews 12:2a NKJV

We can trust God from the beginning to the end--from the start to the finish. We can trust Him with the details. One of the most encouraging scriptures to me is:

being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; Philippians 1:6 NKJV

I have faith that every thing God started in me, He is going to finish. This gives me hope because I recognize that I can't do it without Him. For all my shortcomings and all of my failings, He is able to work them out; sand them down; and put the finish on them to make everything good.

Even though I've memorized that scripture in NKJV, I understand it better in the Amplified version:

And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you. Philippians 1:6 AMP

Today is going to be a good day! What you see in me is not the end of me. There are better things to come . . . I am convinced! Thank You Jesus!

Our Prayer

Pray this with me:

God, I believe that You are. I can see Your hand in creation. The order in nature is not a coincidence, nor did it happen by accident. You are Creator. The heavens declare Your glory.

I believe that You reward and bless those who diligently seek You. Today, I choose to seek You as I would seek a treasure. You are my goal. You are a loving father. I want to know You. I accept Your offer to seek You while You may be found. I want to call on You while You are near. You are speaking to my heart, calling me to know You better. I will not be afraid to seek You. I am willing to give up my time to seek You because are worth it.

I will seek You in the scriptures; I will seek You in prayer. Thank You for showing me how to seek You and for revealing Yourself to me. Thank You for loving me so much that You are drawing me to You. Thank You for helping me in my quest.

You are awesome and it's a privilege to pray to You and know that You hear me because Jesus has made the way. I come to You in His name. Amen.

Limited Time Offer

That all-important coupon that I was searching for has an expiration date. I think it expires in December. It is said that "the opportunity of a lifetime must be ceased during the lifetime of the opportunity." Opportunities, like coupons, can have expiration dates. I can't say that my coupon is that deep—it's for a free 30-day membership at a fitness center. Nah, anything dealing with exercise is hardly worthy to be called an opportunity of a lifetime. But that is a good deal. The usual deals are only for seven-day trial memberships.

On March 31, I signed up for a free 60-day trial with an online music service. I can listen to any of the music on any device without being charged. I like being able to select the album I want to hear when I want to hear it. Again, this is not a lifetime opportunity, but the other deals are only a free 14-day trial or 25 free listens a month. The day I signed up was the last day of the opportunity.

I believe that God has an offer on the table right now. This one is not just for me; it is for you too. He knows you're reading this.  :-)   God is calling you and me to seek Him right now. He is touching our hearts and stirring something within us. For me, He reminded me:

. . . that you have left your first love. ⁵ Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works,      Revelation 2:4b-5a NKJV

Plus I have a sense of anticipation like something wonderful is just waiting to happen. So His offer to us is this:

Seek the LORD while He may be found,
Call upon Him while He is near. Isaiah 55:6 NKJV

This is an opportunity of a lifetime. God is calling us right now. He is speaking to our hearts right now. This is the moment where we can find Him because the invitation has been extended. Does it mean that we will never be able to seek Him if we don't do it now? Probably not, but it may be like the 60-day offer compared to the 14-day offer. We'll get the better deal right now while He is speaking to our hearts (while He is near).

It may mean that there is something special that He has prepared for us and we could miss it if we don't go for it right now. I want the best deal. I want what He has for me now. Why postpone something good?

Father, I know that You are speaking to my heart and my friend's heart. You are calling us and drawing us to seek Your face even more. I pray that we will remember and obey what your Word tells us in Hebrews 3:15:

            “ Today, if you will hear His voice,
             Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.”

And by the precious name of Jesus Christ, I ask again that we will say like the psalmist:

When You said, “Seek My face,”

My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.” Psalm 27:8 NKJV

Can't Stop Joy

A cool thing happened the other day. I went to a meeting that my friends lead with teens. They have a ministry called Sons and Daughters of Destiny. On Saturday they had "Jesus Night"—a night set aside to encounter God.

We were singing and praying when one of the teens told me he felt like he was supposed to pray for me. He said, "God wants to give you joy." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (that's what I said.) I just laughed. It's the truth, ain't it? Then he said, "The joy of the Lord is your strength," several times. Wow! God is so good to remind me of His promise of joy. As far as I know, he didn't know that I had been study "joy." And how I needed joy. Last week at work was very stressful with the possible government shutdown, looming layoffs, disagreements, misunderstandings, and more. I don't know how I would have made it without the joy of the Lord. I know I couldn't have done it.

The 30 days of joy may be over, but you don't have to stop planting seeds of joy. I had to remember that myself. There was one morning during the 30 days that I was jolted from my sleep by the thought that I hadn't read my joy scriptures the day before. Then I relaxed when I realized that even though I didn't read them, I had listened to them.

I had recorded myself reading the scriptures. It's on the iPod and iPad. I listen to it in the car. It's on the computer. But I still have to read it, too. I read and hear so much garbage throughout the day, that I have to get the Word anyway I can. When I say "garbage" I don't mean bad or profane stuff, necessarily. Listening to the news too much can be garbage, especially when it's bad news and finger pointing.

I have to be careful that joy killers like political propaganda and talk of economic failure do not attach themselves to my heart to produce weeds. I'm expecting the harvest. I feel like so far I'm only seeing the little sprouts of joy. I want the whole crop of joy.

Father, I pray that my family, friends, and I will continue to sow seeds of joy into our lives. And that we will water the seeds with our thanks to You. I pray that you will shine Your light on the seeds that we have planted so that they will grow into a beautiful harvest of joy in our lives. Bless us to open our hearts to receive the joy that is promised in scripture—joy inexpressible and full of glory (I Peter 1:8). Thank You for the results. Thank You for changed lives. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen—so be it.

My First Love

I put on rubber gloves, took the garbage outside and continued to look for that coupon in the trash. My daughter found the coupon I was looking for in the DVD case. I had been  looking for the little sticker on the plastic wrapper that said there was a coupon inside. Oops! I'm not sure what lesson I learned from that. I'm sure I'll figure it out soon.

Hmmm, I guess my lesson was that I can do what it takes to find what it is a priority to me.

The other day while I was praying, I stopped to listen. It's not surprising to hear His voice. Jesus said,

My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.    John 10:27 NKJV

He spoke to me by bringing to mind part of a scripture. I didn't know all of the words, but that's what computers are for. :-)

The words I heard were "do your first works." I searched for the scripture with "first works."

³ and you have persevered and have patience, and have labored for My name’s sake and have not become weary. ⁴ Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. ⁵ Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works,     Revelation 2:2-5a NKJV

Ouch!

This was during that time that I was writing about my bout with depression. In The Diagnosis – My Story Part 2, I discussed how I determined to seek God until I learned what my problem was.

Even years before, I had a daily habit of seeking God – my first love.

³I know you are enduring patiently and are bearing up for My name's sake, and you have not fainted or become exhausted or grown weary.

⁴But I have this [one charge to make] against you: that you have left (abandoned) the love that you had at first [you have deserted Me, your first love].

 ⁵Remember then from what heights you have fallen. Repent (change the inner man to meet God's will) and do the works you did previously [when first you knew the Lord],                  Revelation 2:2-5a AMP

I had different habits that I have to learn to revive now.

God Is Not Lost

"I've been played. This is a set up." I said yesterday as I sat on the floor rooting through the kitchen trash. 

Yeah, yeah I get: If I can dig through the trash to find a coupon, I can "diligently seek" God who is much more important. I'm sure this is a coincidence that when I am going to write about seeking God I have to dig through rubbish. Yeah right. God has a sense of humor. :-)

About a year ago, I was watching a movie that was kind of lame. At one point one character asked another, "Have you found Jesus?" To which the other answered, "I didn't know He was lost."

I laughed. That was a stupid line, but I'm going to admit that I laughed. Why? Because He's not lost! I guess when I read the scriptures about seeking God and finding Him, I had never thought about it in those terms. That's a surprise because I usually think about things in goofy ways.

So what does it mean to seek God? Not everything we seek is something that is lost. Sometimes when we seek we are making something our goal or it is our desire. We can seek fame and fortune. We can seek an audience with the King.

if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14 NKJV

The Amplified Bible explains "seek."

If My people, who are called by My name, shall humble themselves, pray, seek, crave, and require of necessity My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14 AMP

When we crave, we usually try to satisfy our cravings with that desire. "Require as necessity" makes me think of my next breath. I don't think about my next breath unless it's not there. I have to have it. God should be like our breath: if He's not there, we'll die. I have to have You or I die.

¹²Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you.

¹³Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

¹⁴I will be found by you, says the Lord, Jeremiah 29:12-14 AMP

One definition of find is "to meet; encounter." That's what we're looking for: an encounter with God. It's up-close, real-life, and personal. He wants us to make an effort to meet Him. We're not going to meet Him by accidentally tripping over Him. We have to seek Him.

Father, I thank You that when we seek You, we don't have to dig through garbage. But sometimes we have to dig through the clutter in our minds and hearts and through all the worthless things that distract us. I pray that we will say like the psalmist:

When You said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.” Psalm 27:8 NKJV

Next: God Rewards

This is where we separate the men from the boys or the true believers from the (demons?). Yikes! We believe God is; now we have to prove it.

We look back at Hebrews 11:6

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

We prove our faith by seeking God. For me, the first part is easy. Of course I believe God is. I believe He rewards and blesses those who diligently seek Him, too. But I have room for improvement on the "diligently seek Him" part. Yes I seek God by reading the scriptures and by praying, but my actions aren't up to the level of faith where I think they should be because I don't seek Him as much as I should.

¹⁹ You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. ²⁰ How foolish! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless? James 2:19-20

The smart aleck Denise version would be: You say you have faith because you believe in God. Big deal! That puts you right up there with the demons. But they tremble in fear and awe of God (do you even do that?) If you really believed, your life would prove it or what's the point?

Wow! That was kind of painful to write. It was like slapping myself upside the head.  In James, the scriptures talk about good deeds as in charitable acts and helping those in need. Good deeds include seeking God and obeying Him.

This is the fruit I expect as a result of planting seed in my heart about who God is. I expect my desire to spend more time with Him to increase.

¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. Jeremiah 29:12-14a NIV

First: God Is

No excuses! You have to know that God exists. Creation is not a coincidence. Here's what God's word says about it.

¹⁹ since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. ²⁰ For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. Romans 1:19-20 NIV

When we look at the beauty of creation, it is God's hint to us that He exists.  You would have to work too hard to deny it. That's the first step of faith—knowing/believing that God exists.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6 NKJV

Those who acknowledge God's existence are on the right path. Think about the most beautiful thing you've ever seen in nature. Does it make your mouth drop open with awe? For me it's stars. When I look at the night sky, sometimes I just have to sing How Great Thou Art.

Step one accomplished. I believe God is.

Narrowing God Down

How can you describe God in a few words? How can you carry the ocean in a bucket? There's just too much!

It's exciting to write God Is; at the same time, it can be overwhelming.  My best word is "awesome." I usually reserve that word for something that leaves me speechless—as in I'm in awe of God. I can't say the right word for Him.

We learn God's character and attributes through what people in the Bible said about Him. But more importantly, we learn who He is by what He says about Himself, the kinds of things He said to others, and what He has done. There's just so much that it has been difficult to narrow Him down for a booklet you can read daily in less than 10 minutes.

It's like I heard a preacher humorously "explaining" a degree in theology. He said, "You have a degree in God." He drew a large circle in the air with his finger and said, "Here's all there is to know about God." Then he held his thumb and index finger close and said, "And you have a degree." It was a cute illustration. If God is 360 degrees, one degree leaves so much more to learn about him. I may only have a minute of arc (1/60th of a degree) of knowledge of God.

God Is cannot scratch the surface of how great the Creator, Mighty God, Heavenly Father, El Shaddai, Elohim is. I pray that it is enough to whet your appetite for Him.

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Psalm 34:8

Pray for the Lights to Come On--Ephesians 1:17-20

This next life story is so dumb I can't believe I'm sharing it. After you read it, we can act like it never happened.

I was riding in the car with my brother at dusk one summer evening. He was driving and I was trying to read something. Panic started creeping upon me when I realized I could not see what I was reading. I mean I could see it . . . but it was difficult . . . it was dark. I'm going blind. Man, what's up with my ey . . .

Hmmm, I'm not used to wearing sunglasses. They must have felt very comfortable on my face since I didn't notice I was wearing them. *blush*

Of course spiritual sight can be darkened as well. Many years ago I read how someone prayed scripture about the "eyes of your understanding." I began praying those scriptures daily. I still pray them today, but not as much as I need to. But I saw God answer that prayer. I began to understand the scriptures better—like taking off the sunglasses—or like the light being turned on.

This prayer fits perfectly with the reading scriptures about who God is. In Ephesians 1:17-20, the apostle Paul was writing to let the church at Ephesus know how he was praying for them. I've rewritten it as a personal prayer. And here I have used two versions of the Bible so you can choose whichever works best for you.

Father, I pray that You will give me the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of who You are, the eyes of my understanding being enlightened; that I may know what is the hope of Your calling, what are the riches of the glory of Your inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of Your power toward us who believe, according to the working of Your mighty power which You worked in Christ when You raised Him from the dead and seated Him at Your right hand in the heavenly places,                                                                         -from Ephesians 1:17-20 NKJV

I am asking You, God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give me spiritual wisdom and insight so that I might grow in my knowledge of You.  I pray that my heart will be flooded with light so that I can understand the confident hope You have given to those You called—Your holy people who are Your rich and glorious inheritance.

I also pray that I will understand the incredible greatness of Your power for us who believe You. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at Your right hand in the heavenly realms.                                                               -from Ephesians 1:17-20 NLT

I'm going to try to remember to pray these scriptures each time before I read God Is. My prayer is that as we read the booklet, the light will come on for us and we will have a better understanding of Him. Amen.

God Is

One person I would love to have met is George Washington Carver. He created many things from a peanut or a sweet potato. He helped the economy of the South. According to biographical accounts, he asked God why He created the universe and God told GWC that was too much for him to understanding. So Carver tried something easier; he asked God why He created the peanut. From that, God showed Carver 300 uses of this legume. That amazes me that the man could do so much with so little. I wish I had known him. But you know what is better? Oh yeah, you know what I'm going to say. It would be better to know the God who shared the secret of the peanut with Carver, than to know Carver. Right. . . cut out the middle man. How awesome would it be for God to share such secrets with us?

Learning about joy has been fun and interesting. But now our focus is changing: less about us and more about our Creator. Let's take 30 days to learn who God is. In the first 30 days we planted seeds of joy with the expectation that we would receive a harvest of joy. What kind of harvest, or fruit of change, should we expect during God Is?

If we read about God daily, we should expect to learn about Him. Maybe our relationship with Him will grow. Maybe we will learn how to trust Him. Maybe we will understand Him better. So the harvest is a better relationship with your heavenly father. In turn, that will probably translate to a better relationship with yourself and others.

Moses told God,

Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight. And consider that this nation is Your people.” Exodus 33:13

"show me now Your way, that I may know You." If you watch what a person does, you will know more about that person. If we know what God says and watch what He does and does not do, we will understand who He is. Let's see who He is.

Fast Forward – My Story Part 5

God! Why did you send me to Alabama? I hate it here! Please get me out of here.

How many times did I say that? It started out okay. I liked my new job. I met friends. I found a church where I felt God wanted me to be. But it wasn't long before I started losing joy. Most of it was related to my job. Then I kept having weird problems with my car. Not that the car problems were weird. Getting a new car was weird. It just wasn't happening. I hated being here with no support. No family. No friends that I knew well enough to depend on like I was used to.

It was strange sitting all day at a desk instead of teaching. Did I mention that I'm fat now? For the first few months, I sat in a make-shift cubicle. There was only enough room to back my chair up so I could stand. I didn't care. It was a new start for me and I felt God had sent me there. Unfortunately I did not continue reading my anti-depression scriptures. I knew that I should have continued doing what I done to get rid of depression to maintain joy, but I thought I was going to be okay. Meanwhile it had gotten to the point where I felt like I had to fight with someone every week about what I was doing on my job.

I work on an educational website for Pete's sake; it's not that deep. But I was new there. I didn't do things the way they had been done. I tried to be creative and initiate new ideas. I was met with resistance. Every week it was something. It finally got to the point where I bought the CD, the book, and even the cassettes (to give to my friend) of T.D. Jakes' The 10 Commandments of Working in a Hostile Environment. The words that slapped me upside my head were, "The only thing that has to change is you." Not what I wanted to hear. True . . . but not what I wanted to hear. I changed some. I just dealt with it with God's help.

After some time, maybe years, some one might pray for me about "heaviness" on me. This happened at least twice. I would think, "Where did that come from?" Situations were weighing me down.

Last year was a real struggle. I would take off work for a couple days because I just couldn't stand to be there. Of course it affected my work. Because I didn't want to argue with people, I would just acquiesce. That's not what I'm paid for though. I am paid to do my best and use my knowledge of education. But I don't like to argue. I like to fuss because I think it's funny and I tease and fuss. But I'm probably not going to try to prove my point or make someone know that I am right. I even try to do things to help make the workplace more enjoyable. But I do not work with excellence because I don't want to argue.

Fast forward to Monday March 14, 2011. I was talking to my friend telling her that I didn't know why it was so difficult to go to work. For the most, the people are nice enough; the pay is okay; the work is not too difficult. I just don't know what the problem is. I hate being there.

Friday March 18, 2011. A friend invited me to hear a woman minister. I called the first friend and told her that I have to run an errand, I'll be late; save me a seat; not in the front row because I don't want the minister to "peep me out;" and sit me by a cute single guy. Afterwards, I found out she had a place for me between to teen boys. *eyeroll*

So when I arrived, I couldn't see my friend. She's short and she was in the front. But I did see a friend in the second to last row, so I sat beside her. The church wasn't that big so there may have been 10-12 rows. Well the lady ministered to different people. She prayed with them and also gave them prophetic words. I had never heard of her until a couple of days before.

She found her way back to me. She said things to me like, "When you walk into that office building, you intercede (pray) . . . God put you there for a reason. . .  It's going to be the weight of His glory on you." Wow!

I have a reason to be at that job. This humbles me to know that God can use me there. Those words gave me purpose and courage to go in everyday. I can do this thing. I can go to work and pray for the workplace and the people. And instead of the heaviness, God is going to put the weight of His glory on me. I am going to know God is with me. Yay!

When I first began the joy adventure, I didn't realize how much I needed joy. I'm getting back to normal, now. That was one thing I hated about work—I wasn't myself there. Example: at Christmas time, people were receiving awards. Every time someone's name was called, I cheered for that person. A co-worker commented on that. I told her that this is how I usually am when I'm not here. That wasn't the first time I had made a statement like that. And anyone who knows me outside of work probably knows that I am usually enthusiastically loud. Not that I wanted to be loud at work; I just want to be myself.

I haven't been as desperate for joy as I was that first time around, but I'm working on it. I am looking forward to the harvest. And I know that joy is coming. And I want to move.